It’s been a few weeks now since I’ve started the new job and subsequently stopped the new job. And it’s starting to bother me. I try to be an optimistic person. I’m probably the most optimistic person I know, other than my mom. It’s just that there are some days when things get to me and I get negative. I’ve been feeling pretty negative past couple of days. And instead of emotional eating or drinking, I decided to blog about it today. It’s just that, here I had this opportunity to make good money. And now that opportunity is gone. And it sucks because I really want to work. But at what cost? My last 2 jobs I settled for. The first one, Sprint call center, I took bc I was pregnant at the time and it was a good offer. And I made really good money. I liked the people I worked with even though I didn’t really care for what I did. But I have no problem returning to customer service. Because I know it’s something I can do and I can do it well. My last job, I definitely settled for, in every sense of the word. It wasn’t good pay, wasn’t good hours, wasn’t really good at all. And yet I stuck it out for a long time. Only to work for a company that doesn’t value their employees at all. What I learned from that job is that I will not work for another small company again unless it’s my own. Because some companies just aren’t professional enough. Some people are fine working for a company that doesn’t always pay on time, or changes schedules at the last minute and expect you to bend over backwards for them when they won’t do the same for you, but I’m not one of those people.
The job that I started and stopped recently was for a call center. But it was for outbound collections. You know…those people who call and harass you and your family and your employer about a bill, that if you had the money to pay it, you would’ve done so already. I know what it’s like to get those calls. It’s a sucky feeling when you won’t answer the phone bc you don’t have the money to pay that bill. There are some things I will do and some that I won’t. I won’t call people and harass them. I just won’t. So on that end, I’m glad the job didn’t work out. I’m also glad it didn’t work out bc the schedule was not what I was told it would be. I was told m-f, most days 8-5 and 2 days 12-9. I wasn’t happy about that but I figured at least it’s a fixed schedule, and it’s m-f. Turns out not only was it those hours but 2 saturdays and get this…1 sunday night a month. and on top of that, the last day of the month, as long as it’s not a sunday, you had to work 8-9. I knew the first day when all this info was laid on me that this was not gonna work for the long term. But the money was good right, bc you’re getting overtime every week. That’s the part that pisses me off. The money. When I got bills coming my way left and right, what I need definitely is money. But at what cost? At the cost of going back to not seeing my kids like with my last job? At the cost of dealing with a husband who complains when you don’t have a job and complains when you have a job that isn’t “normal” hours? At the cost of the extra stress that comes with going to a job day in and day out that you can’t stand? I’ve been there before, done that, the level of stress isn’t worth it. It causes health issues. Trust me, I know. And quite honestly, I’d rather have irate customers calling into me everyday than to call people and harass them about a bill when they’re in the same position I’m in. Times are hard for everyone. We’re all trying to do the best we can with what we’ve got. Trying to keep shelter over our heads, food on our table and electricity in our homes. We need to keep our phones on, keep our cars paid for and try to keep gas in our cars. Who am I to be a hypocrite and be a collections person? Seriously.
So I go thru this battle in my head from time to time. The one side says, I screwed up and should’ve passed the test to keep that job. But the other side says, the right job will come to me and that it will all work out. Idk. I apply for jobs at least 2 days a week. And I’m ready to have a job that I actually don’t mind having to come my way. I’m tired of being at home. I’m tired of trying to find a job. I’m tired of taking these stupid assessment tests that ask over 100 questions, take up my time, and then I still don’t get a call back. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not pulling my own bc I’m not making my own money. I’m thankful for my unemployment but I want real money. I want to not only just be able to pay my bills, but to not have to take away from somewhere else in order to pay for a halloween costume or my son’s first birthday or going to the fair or anything like that. It shouldn’t have to be this hard to find a job, is all I’m saying. All I want is to go to a job m-f, preferrable to get off before 6 so I can pick up the kids from daycare. It doesn’t have to be the best job in the world, it just doesn’t need to be one of the worst. And I want decent pay. It doesn’t need to be my job for the next 2 years, it just needs to be a stepping stone. I’m ready to work.
I wrote down my vision for my job. I’m getting specific with God. And I know that my prayer will get answered. I’m thankful the time that I’m home with my kids. Thankful that I got to see Jordan take his first steps. Thankful that they’re not in daycare right now bc so many kids are getting the H1N1. And I’m thankful that I know that a job that fits my needs and the needs of my family is on its way to me right now.