Omg so going thru some drama in my life right now…*sighs* that’s all I can do really is sigh bc I don’t know what to do! I just wanna blog this real quick bc I have to get to my To Do List today but I wanted to go ahead and get this out of the way bc last night I was too tired to think about it…
So last night around 5-6pm I get a fb(facebook in case u don’t know) notification on my phone from…the shocker…my donor, aka my biological father. This threw me off kilter for a moment. Wth??? Are you effin kidding me??? So I immediately text my husband and tell him, I bbm a friend of mine who knows about my non-relationship with my father, she says I should accept the request. I talk to a few of my co-workers and their thoughts are mixed…they don’t know the whole story though. My hubby is down with whatever decision I make, he’s gonna support me. I haven’t accepted the friend request, I want to talk to my mom later today about it first. I’m just in total shock.
To give a brief story…I may post a blog that I posted years ago on myspace that will give you the background…but basically my parents divorced before my mom, brother and I moved to Germany when I was a kid. I don’t remember if my parents argued a lot or anything like that, I was like about to turn 5 when we moved to Germany. When we came back to the states when I was almost 8, I would go stay with my dad and his side of the family every summer, some holidays. Things were okay until I got to highschool. I think the last time I was in Philly I was a freshman and that’s when shit hit the fan with our relationship….not gonna go down that road. Let’s fast forward to…not coming to my highschool graduation (calling me the day before to say you’re not coming), not paying to help raise me, not checking in on me when we had hurricanes, not bothering to stay in touch at all, me trying to reach out several times thru college…by my junior year of college I had basically come to terms to accept that he was dead to me. I was done reaching out. So no, you weren’t told/notified when I had my daughter, you weren’t told when I graduated from college, you weren’t told when I got married (my brother and step-father walked me down the aisle) and you weren’t told when I had my son.
So maybe you’ve come to a point in your life where you want to make amends…does that mean I have to open up those wounds and just accept that now you wanna be back in my life??? When I’m grown and have a family of my own?? When my daughter asks me why do I have a step-daddy and I have to come up with a reason why? Idk, it’s gonna take some prayer because I’ve been let down by him for as long as I can remember…and I don’t wanna accept him and then to turn around and going thru the same routine again…if you have advice I’d really appreciate your thoughts. In the meantime I’ll try to find that blog and post it up here or post the link.