It’s been a weird few days.
My grandfather passed away this weekend. Although I’m not a funeral girl, I was going to go. If I was being really honest, I’d share with you my list of people of whose funerals I WOULD attend. I don’t handle death that well, and it’s only in recent years that I have started having to deal with it. I guess I’ve been lucky in that way. Some people are dealing with death from the time they’re children. Not me. My great Grandmother passed away when I was between 8th and 9thgrade and it was life-changing. And since then, I’ve been against funerals unless the person was really close to me.
Well I wasn’t the closest to my grandfather, but I felt that I should go. Out of support.
But then the rude awakening of the fact that as an adult I am nowhere near where I want to be or am supposed to be. I have no emergency fund. Which means in the case of an emergency trip, I don’t have the means to go. It’s the end of the month…which means bills take up my entire check. It’s just bad timing. The service is on a Thursday. Why Thursday??? Move it to Friday or Saturday and 90% of the dilemma is avoided. I have kids in school…it’s just awful timing.
But it bums me out. Like yesterday when it was crunch time, you are either going or you’re not time…I was a ball of mess. Just so disappointed in myself. But then I had to look at it from a different perspective. All things happen for a reason and all will work out in the way it’s supposed to. If it was meant for me to go and travel then it would have been an easier solution. Instead I was trying desperately trying to fit a square into a circle hole. It just wasn’t working. Every option. Every scenario. It is what it is. Lesson learned.